Sunday, June 28, 2009

Speeding in Pennsylvania

1) Good:
 An Erie , PA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD.' Officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS' . . . and a bucket full of money.  (And we kids used to just sell lemonade!)

2) Better:
 A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Pittsburgh , PA. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a pic ture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

3) Absolute Best:
 A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, 'I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball.' He replied ' Pennsylvania State Troopers don't have balls.' There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.......

Friday, June 26, 2009

All Temperatures Are Relative!

60 Degrees F:
Floridians, Californians, & Hawaiians turn on the heat
Wisconsinites are out sunbathing

40 degrees F:
Italian & English cars won't start
Wisconsin motorists drive with the top down

20 degrees F:
New York landlords finally turn on the heat
Wisconsinites have the last cookout before it gets cold

-20 degrees F:
Californians flee to Mexico and Hawaii
Wisconsin Girl Scouts are selling cookies door-to-door

-40 degrees F:
Washington DC runs out of hot air
Wisconsinites let the dogs sleep indoors

-60 degrees F:
People in Florida all die
Folks in Wisconsin are annoyed because their cars won't start

-460 degrees F (Absolute zero on the Kelvin scale):
Hell freezes over
Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late

Thursday, June 18, 2009

What Is That Thing Called?

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a
few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came
into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two
people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken a-back, but she decided to tell him the truth..
'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'

Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the
other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it
isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy 's
mom wants to talk to you.'