Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Covet Thy Neighbor's What?

A man received an e-mail from his neighbor:

"Sorry Jim, but I have been using your wife... day and night whenever you're not at home. In fact, probably more than you. I'm confessing now because I feel really guilty. I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies. I will ask your permission in the future."

Upon reading this, Jim gets his gun and without uttering a word he shoots his wife.

A few minutes later he received another e-mail: "Sorry Jim: I meant 'wifi,' not 'wife.'"

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Minister Demonistration

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol: dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke: dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup: dead. The fourth worm in good, clean soil: alive.

So the minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand. "If you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service.