Sunday, April 10, 2011

Men Are Like....

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free, here's an update: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. 

WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

< Men are like.... >

1. Men are like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like 
Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like 
Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like
Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like 
Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like
Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like
Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like
Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like 
Mascara .... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like
 Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like
 Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like
Parking Spots .... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Sex Frogs

A young blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet.

As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.

The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions."

The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions."

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens!

The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.

She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."

So, the blonde calls the pet store.

The man says, "I'll be right over."

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into it's eyes and sternly says:

"Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!