Saturday, October 09, 2010

Deep Thoughts

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11 Is it only me that, after dealing with someone, occasionally wonders... out of ten million sperm, you were the fastest? Really?

12. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

13. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

14. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

17. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

South Carolina Baby Naming

Bubba's pregnant sister was in a bad car accident which caused her to fall into a deep coma.

After nearly six months, she awoke and saw that she was no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asked the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them for you."

The woman thought to herself ,"Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Okay, what did he name the girl?"

"Denise," the doctor answers.

The new mother says, "Wow! That's a beautiful name, maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise. What did he name the boy?"

The doctor replies, "Denefew."