Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The TV is Grandma's Boyfriend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with
his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and
said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa
went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel
good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my
boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated,
she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door
and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is
your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend.'

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

A Pirate's Tearjerking Tale

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't
seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'

Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball,
but I'm fine now.'

Bartender: 'Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your
hand?'

Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine,
really.'

Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'

Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them shit in my eye.'

Bartender: 'You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit?'

Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook.'