This is Imran's updated version of "How many Christians does it take
to change a light bulb?" Read it to the end, and email me if I missed
offending someone. ;-)
Charismatic: Only 1
Hands are already in the air.
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None
Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the
change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk
about how much better the old one was.
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the
need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found
that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or
compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday
service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions,
including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all
of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.
You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of
your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting
Lutherans don't believe in change.
Jewish Grandmothers: 0
It's all right, I should sit in the dark and suffer!!
Jew: (In New York)
Get someone else to do it, but don't tip them.
Zionist Jew: (In Israel)
Ask America to pay for it, because the old bulb was obviously made by
What's a light bulb?
One multi-armed freaky goddess can change 6 lights bulbs at the same
time. Ideal for outsourcing American bulb-changing jobs.
The bulb blew because of the white man screwing the black man like a
light bulb 200 years ago, so white man should send a bulb, while I
sit here in the dark by choice.
Blonde: 12 hours (until daylight)
Will someone turn the lights on so I can change the light bulb?
George W. Bush: 1000 years
When God says let there be light, there will be light.... but ask
Dick Cheney: 100 men
Give the contract to Haliburton.
John Kerry: +- 0.5
I started screwing in the light bulb before I started unscrewing it.
Bill Clinton: ?x!
What is the meaning of "screwing" a light bulb? I did NOT screw that
Hillary Clinton: x
It takes a village, unless the village does not have a good
Muslim: (In Iraq) 0
Power's only on in the Green Zone where the Americans are, so what's
Muslim: (In Afghanistan) 100
Throw stones at the light bulb because it was made in infidel lands.
Muslim: (In AlQaeda) 1
Damn, why do they (light bulbs) keep blowing themselves up?