Friday, February 19, 2010

Stressed-out Driver, Palin' In Comparison

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him..... I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car ..''

Saturday, February 06, 2010

A Slippery Idea

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?'

She said, 'Yes, my husband and I use it all the time....'

'If you don't mind my asking,' he said, 'what do you use it for?'

'We use it for sex,' she said.

'Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a Child's' bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex.. and I admire you for your honesty. Can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?'

'My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out!'