A young southern boy goes off to the University of Tennessee, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his redneck father.
"Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with. Why, they actually have a program at UT that will teach dogs how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get Big Red in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."
So, his father sends the dog and the $1000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money runs out again. The boy calls his father again. "So, how's Big Red doing, son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
His father sends the money. Now, the boy figures out he has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Big Red? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some really bad news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Big Red was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?'
The father says, "I hope you shot that lyin' son of a bitch!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"