Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Speaking Of New Europe

European Union Commissioners recently announced that an agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling has some room for improvement and has accepted a five
year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c"
will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewritters everywhere kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spellling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent e in the languag
is disgrasful and they would go to. By the fourth year peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar chages vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensible riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrirun vil find it ezi to understand
ech ozer.

Zen ze drem vil finali kum tru!

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