A Pirate's Tearjerking Tale

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't
seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'

Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball,
but I'm fine now.'

Bartender: 'Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your
hand?'

Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine,
really.'

Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'

Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them shit in my eye.'

Bartender: 'You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit?'

Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook.'