Monday, September 06, 2010

Understanding Engineers

Understanding  Engineers One :

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get  such a great  bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a  beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers Two :

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers Three :

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys?  We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept  golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper.  Let's have a word with him.

"He said,"Hello George, what's  wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a  moment. The priest said, "That's so sad.  I think I will  say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good  idea.  I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if   there's anything he can do for them.

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding  Engineers Four :

What is the difference between mechanical  engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.  Civil engineers build  targets.

Understanding Engineers Five:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"  
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it  cost?"  
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers Six :

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human  body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."Another said, "No,  it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.  Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational  area?"

Understanding  Engineers Seven:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers Eight :

An engineer was crossing a road one day,when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll  turn  into a beautiful princess."  He bent over, picked up the  frog and put it in his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?  I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,  "Look, I'm an engineer.  I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's  cool."

1 comment:

thetopten said...

A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.

Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

Number Three. I'm a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

Number Four. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

She concludes by smugly asking, "Now think about it seriously, mister.
Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five fucking times."