You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'.
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'.
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
New Password Required
User: My usual password is not working suddenly, why?
Website chat assistant: Your password has expired - you must register a new one.
User: Why do I need a new one as that one was working fine?
Website: You must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.
User: Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
Website: No, you must get a new one.
User: I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.
Website: Sorry, you must get a new one.
User: Ok, roses
Website: Sorry you must use more letters.
User: Pretty roses
Website: You must use at least one number.
User : 1 pretty rose
Website: You cannot use blank spaces.
User: 1prettyrose
Website : You must use additional letters.
User : 1ƒvck!ngprettyrose
Website: You must use at least one capital letter.
User: 1ƒvck!ngprettyrose
Website: You cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.
User: 1ƒvck!ngPrettyRose
Website: You must use additional letters.
User: 1ƒvck!ngPrettyRoseShovedUpYourA$sIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightƒvck!ngNow
Website: Sorry, that password is already being used.
Website chat assistant: Your password has expired - you must register a new one.
User: Why do I need a new one as that one was working fine?
Website: You must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.
User: Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
Website: No, you must get a new one.
User: I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.
Website: Sorry, you must get a new one.
User: Ok, roses
Website: Sorry you must use more letters.
User: Pretty roses
Website: You must use at least one number.
User : 1 pretty rose
Website: You cannot use blank spaces.
User: 1prettyrose
Website : You must use additional letters.
User : 1ƒvck!ngprettyrose
Website: You must use at least one capital letter.
User: 1ƒvck!ngprettyrose
Website: You cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.
User: 1ƒvck!ngPrettyRose
Website: You must use additional letters.
User: 1ƒvck!ngPrettyRoseShovedUpYourA$sIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightƒvck!ngNow
Website: Sorry, that password is already being used.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Quick Thinking on His Feet
A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy a half head of lettuce.
The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.
The man persists, and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, 'Some asshole wants to buy a half head of lettuce.'
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?
''Canada , sir,' the boy replied.
'Well, why did you leave Canada?' the manager asked.
The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores, and hockey players up there.'
'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Canada.'
'No shit?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'
The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.
The man persists, and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, 'Some asshole wants to buy a half head of lettuce.'
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?
''Canada , sir,' the boy replied.
'Well, why did you leave Canada?' the manager asked.
The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores, and hockey players up there.'
'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Canada.'
'No shit?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'
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