These Simple Truths We Find Self-Evident

SIMPLE  TRUTH 1:

- Lovers help each other undress before sex.
- However after sex, they always dress on their own.
- Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2:- When a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say,"Congrats".
- But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
- Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.

FIVE OTHER SIMPLE TRUTHS:

1.  Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Bentley than on a bicycle.
2.  Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name.
3.  If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4.  Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.  Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

BONUS TRUTH:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Did You Hear The One About Her Hearing?

{Adult Humor Warning. For Mature Readers Only.}

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on the mailbox.

While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe
slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him,  'What would you say is my best feature?' Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered...

'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... that was me.'